I came across this article I wrote almost four and a half years ago. I am finally following the Lord in obedience, not to promote anything other than Christ. I am not letting fear have the final say anymore. This is me stepping out in obedience. Thank you for journeying through this with me. This is why I write.
March 4, 2015
The thought of writing haunts me. The thought of a blank page on my computer sitting there mocking me is an emotion that makes me want to throw my computer across the room. However, for whatever reason, I cannot shake the feeling that God is calling me to write. I cannot go throughout the day without writing crossing my mind. Sometimes I think about it to the point that I cannot get other things done. So, that is why I am here at this moment, because I cannot get anything else done. The desire to write is within me, so I am listening to that desire. I am not exactly sure where this journey will take me, and the thought of not having a plan gives me serious anxiety. However, I am resting in the fact that I believe with all my heart that the Lord put this desire within me. It is something I have talked about since I was a little girl. I was always the girl who kept journals with me at all times, just in case a thought came to my mind that needed to be written down. I still have all of those journals, and looking back through them I laugh at what was important to me back then. However, looking back through those pages I see an unbelievable connection with Jesus. Not that I was some serious theologian at the age of 10, but through the words written on those pages the Lord spoke to me. It was through writing that my relationship with the Lord grew. Every hurt, every victory, every broken heart, and every celebration in life penned on those pages has the hand of God written all over them. I love to look back over those pages and see all the wonderful things God has done in my life. I love to see how He changed my mind on certain things. I love to see how He changed the direction of my life from what I thought it was going to be. I love to see how He took the things I was so fearful of and gave me courage. More than all of this, I love to see how He answered every single prayer. His answers were not always in the way I was asking him to answer, or even the way I wanted him to answer. However, He always came through. What writing has taught me is that I have visibly seen the hand of God at work in my life and the lives of others. He has never failed me, and has never left me alone. He has always shown up in ways I cannot even begin to explain. I see this through my writing. Therefore, this is where I am today. Hoping and praying at some point through these written words we might experience Him. Not by any of the words I am writing but by allowing him to speak through me. My prayer is that by allowing Him to speak through me others might come to know him more. Writing words down is a way to experience God in a way like never before. Therefore, I will write, because I believe we will be able to see the Glory of God displayed in the lives of so many people. Even though the journey will be long and will cause me anxiety, I believe in the One who can calm my anxious heart. So, I lay this journey at His feet and ask that He do with it what He will. I will give Him my best, but the rest is up to Him.
“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
1 peter 4:10
Now I sit here four years later still writing, still letting the Lord use this to mold and shape me. Writing allows me to look back and see all that God has done. However, Satan has convinced me that my words are not worth sharing, that no one will want to read them. Well, I am here to tell you Satan, that it doesn’t matter if no one reads these words. I am sure several others have already said the same thing I am saying. This is obedience for me. Writing is obedience, so I will no longer let Satan convince me it is better for me to keep my writing to myself. Stepping out in obedience to do what God has called me to do, which is to equip families to make planned and purposeful discipleship happen in their homes. I know the fear is normal, but courage will have the final say. So here is to courage, and here is to writing.
